so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
