I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
