i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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