also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
