There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
