dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
