You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Too much gin, very little bucket
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
