I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
