Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
