Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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