so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
