you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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