was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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