When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
