writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
