I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
