I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
