you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
