I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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