I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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