Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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