You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
These tits shall not be calmed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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