i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
