I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
