State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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