just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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