I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
