I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
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