Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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