I wanna bring you to show and tell
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
how does that bad decision feel?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
