Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
