I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
please don't ironically join a cult
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