everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
