Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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