Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
