Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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