yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
