your parents love me but you hate me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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