Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
