I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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