Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
