I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
