pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
