Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
