ugly people sure do ruin things
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
