Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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