They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
