Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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