at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
