I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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